Mastering Feedback: 4 Simple Steps to Achieve Astonishing Results
Unlock the power of constructive conversations with McKinsey’s four easy feedback steps.
Well, here we are, another day in the life of Walter, navigating the wild and woolly world of feedback, especially when you’re a dyslexic like me. Picture it: I’m knee-deep in research for my dyslexic deep dive article, poking around on Reddit, when I stumble upon a goldmine of conversations about giving and receiving feedback. Turns out, dyslexics like me often get their knickers in a twist over feedback because, let’s face it, some folks just don’t know how to give it without making us feel like we’re two inches tall.
Now, let’s get one thing straight – giving effective feedback is like trying to teach a cat to fetch. Most people would rather avoid it altogether, thinking it leads straight to Conflict City. But hold your horses, folks. There’s a nifty little model out there, courtesy of McKinsey, that I swear by. It’s called the Action, Feeling, Pause, and Feedback model. Trust me, it’s got more layers than a well-made lasagna.
Action
First up, you gotta zero in on the specific behavior. No beating around the bush, no vague mumbo jumbo. It’s all about being as specific as a cat’s focus on a laser pointer. For instance, “Today in the meeting with the external party, you typed on your computer for half the meeting.” See? Plain as day and harder to dispute than the existence of gravity.
Feeling
Next, we dive into feelings. This ain’t the part where you get all mushy like a Hallmark card, but it’s important to express how the action impacted you. Use those “I” statements like you’re at an AA meeting. “I felt embarrassed and not appreciated by your behavior. The supplier saw it too, and that undermines the relationship we’re trying to build.” Boom. Personal, real, and no finger-pointing.
Pause
Then comes the pause. This is where you shut your trap and let the other person process, react, and maybe even explain themselves. It’s like giving them the stage after you’ve dropped your truth bomb. They might say, “Oh, I was not aware of that. I got an important email I needed to answer.” Well, ain’t that something?
Feedback
Finally, you round it all off with some constructive suggestions. None of that “You should have done this” nonsense. We’re talking real, actionable advice. “In the future, I’d recommend leaving your computer at your desk, or if it’s life or death, inform me, and you can join the meeting later. We’ll discuss matters unrelated to your work.” See? Easy peasy.
This model’s a game-changer, folks. It strips out the personal attacks and ambiguity, making the feedback clear, concise, and right on the money. And here’s the kicker – you gotta deliver it close to the event. If you wait too long, like 1-2 weeks, it’s about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. It’s about learning and growth, you want to other person to understand the wrong behavior and become a better person - on and off the office pitch.
I use this model all the time. Here’s a tale from a couple of weeks ago when I organized a software demo. My “boss” client was typing furiously on her computer, firing off emails unrelated to the meeting. Not the best look for me or the vendor, given the hours we’d poured into prepping. When I brought it up, it turned out she hadn’t even realized how it came across.
Now, you might be thinking, “I don’t want to piss off my boss.” Trust me, that thought crossed my mind too. But here’s the thing – leaders rarely get genuine feedback aimed at their growth. It’s actually a golden opportunity to improve your relationship. Constructive feedback shows you care.
Take another example from my time on a fly-in fly-out mine site. Four months in, I noticed the GM never showed up for dinner at the mess hall, preferring to send emails from his cabin. His team was pretty peeved about it. Summoning all my courage, I walked into his office and said:
“George, I observed that in the last four months, I never saw you in the mess for dinner. Your leadership team hasn’t either. I know you send emails late in the evening, which pressures us to check and act on them, making it hard to unwind after a 12-hour shift. [pause – he gestured for me to continue]
I believe spending time with your team outside of work could strengthen relationships and build a stronger team.”
I wrote this down beforehand and also rehearsed my little speech. I was nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He exploded, nearly yelling that he spent enough time with his team and how dare I am to say something like that. It clearly hit a nerve. I told him he could ignore my feedback, but as a consultant, I felt it was my responsibility to bring it up.
We never spoke about it again, and I left the mine site soon after. Months later, I got a text saying he had started showing up in the mess, and it made a world of difference to his team.
So, give the feedback model a go. If you have questions, comments, or thoughts, drop me a note.
Until next time, stay strong and keep giving that feedback.
Walter
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Current Books in Parallel Reading:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Pyramid of Success by Coach Wooden
Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Habits I’m Working On:
• Fitness & Health: More sports, healthy eating, no junk food, lots of veggies, and less sugar. Aim: Sports 4 times a week (weights and running).
Mindset: I’m a runner and I’m healthy.
Status: no joy today
• Dental Health: Flossing daily to avoid crowns and root canals.
Mindset: I have healthy teeth and I don’t hear the drill sound anymore
Status: I lost my dental flos
• Writing: Practice, practice, practice—daily diary entries, no excuses.
Mindset: Friday - today was hard, fell almost asleep when I brought the kids to bed
• Weight: 112 kg (still still no scale)
Mindset: I’m a healthy and control my weight to feel better
Consecutive Days Posting on Walter’s Diary:
Seventeen (17)